He Sent His Wife a Dear John Letter and Instantly Regrets It

We all look forward to receiving letters from loved ones, but sometimes, they bring news that we’d rather not hear. Opening one of those letters can lead us to the depths of despair. However, in the following joke, the tables are turned when a husband writes his wife a “Dear John” letter. Little does he know, she has a letter to send him as well.

Let’s enjoy this joke and take away a valuable lesson from it.

The Husband’s Letter

Dear wife,

I’m writing this letter to inform you that I am leaving you forever. I have been a good man to you for 7 years, but I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been terrible.

Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today, and that was the last straw. Last week, you didn’t even notice my new haircut, or the fact that I had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers just for you. You finished your dinner in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You no longer express your love for me, and you don’t want intimacy or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you no longer love me. Whatever the case may be, I’m done.

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together!

Have a great life!

The Wife’s Response

Dear Ex-Husband,

Receiving your letter has made my day more than you can imagine. It’s true that we have been married for 7 years, but a good man is far from what you’ve been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work anymore.

I did notice when you got a haircut last week, but the first thought that came to mind was, “You look just like a girl!” Since my mother raised me not to say anything if I can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.

And as for cooking my favorite meal, you must have mistaken me for MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

Regarding those new silk boxers, I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them. I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

Even after all of this, I still loved you and believed we could work things out. So when I hit the lottery for 10 million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I returned home, you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I suppose. I hope you find the fulfilling life you always wanted.

By the way, my lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a single dime from me. Take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife,
Rich and Free!

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